Posts from ‘November, 2011’

Today I had my first reader-letter. It is a sad story of losing first Love. Here it comes..

Our wedding-day was perfect. Everyone I love was there, flowers were fresh and beautiful, everyone was smiling. Endless

jam of taking pictures, food was better than ever and we were about to go on a two-week honeymoon trip to an exotic place.

Wedding-night went by.. so did the trip, first year..the second.. our first child was born, then the second. Everything was still a fairytale and it still is. Our kids go to high school, we go travelling a lot and we are very happy, me and my husband.  Despite that, there are always a few nights in a year when I take out my old photographs and cry. In those photos, I’m young, blonde with my first Love. I lost him 20 years ago, but I still can’t forget…

I was just graduated from high-school when I met him. Let’s name him Robin. He was a special young man, every girl thought that. He was special.. he smiled with all his face, not just the mouth and by my big surprise he asked me out with that big smile. I was breathless, we went to theatre he sent me home, holding my hand. He was a true gentleman,he didn’t kiss me on the first date, but I gave him my first kiss on our second date

We were walking on the clouds, even if it sounds too fulsome.. When I remind him on my sad moments I get those pictures from memory like a movie.. We were sitting under trees on the beach and talking about the future..the two of us driving his first car to visit his parents. Mornings and evenings went by in his little neat room studying for exams..The way he held me and promised to never let go.. It all went on for a year and a half. Then came the end of our story.

To be honest, the ending dot didn’t come on the second he broke the news of going abroad as a trainee, but I think the pen to do that was ready.. He had an awesome opportunity to go abroad and of course he took it! He said he was coming back and the tears were unnecessary. He tried to convince me, but I knew it inside.. I knew that he may never come back.

He left me only photos of him and some school stuff he didn’t need any more though there were countless hours spent with these in my place. Now there were letters replacing him. Every week came one.. and every last one of them got an answer from me. When we got chance, we chatted via phone. Time went by.. letters changed, subjects changed, they weren’d as long as they were anymore. There were no phone calls..Everything went as it always goes.. at first you really miss.. then there are friends to give comfort.. and then comes girlfriends. And before he said , I understood that our story has ended.

I wasn’t depressed, it wasn’t a shock for me.  All I had left some mixture of anger, sadness, pain of loss.. I guess it was mend to go this way, we weren’t ment to be together.

A few years went by and I found the new one my now gone mother was telling me about. The feeling right from the beginning. He was truly intelligent, he complimented me. I was in love, I had that secure feeling. My family and friends loved him, he had a career and he made me so happy. Wedding-day that came  a year later was so.. right,

And now I’m at the beginning of my story..

I want you to know that I love my husband, I adore him and our children. I am really-really happy with my life and I know He’s the one to spend my last days with. But I can’t help that my heart still has a place for Robin. I haven’t seen him in 20 years, but I know he’s back home, married, has a child..

I don’t know if he ever thinks about me, but I do it a lot. I’m not going to call him, because I’m still a bit.. displeased with him, but I can’t get rid of these nights when I remember US, when I cry. We were a match made in heaven, we had this something that I have never had with my husband. Our marriage is based on strong respect, secure feeling, love and same aims in life, passion too, of course. But what happened on the beach a long time ago.. It was something else.. something I can never forget

Is there someone else who still think of their first love? Or am I the only one?

 Cindy